Timelines and Checklists

The first order of business when planning your wedding (or any special event) is creating a checklist. That's why you can't help but find them all over the place in wedding magazines and websites. They'll tell you when you need to order invitations, bridesmaid dresses, and decide on flowers, and they'll include the most minute detail like "decide whether guests will throw rice or rose petals 2 months in advance."

Yes, in a perfect world you would have plenty of time to plan and arrange for everything. However, in my opinion a lot of the checklists and timelines can drum up fear - if you don't have the venue selected over a year in advance you're SOL! Truthfully hotels and bigger venues book up quickly, but if you're planning a wedding for 150 or less, it is quite possible to throw something together in just a couple of months without having to elope to Vegas. Good news, huh?

The wedding I did in February was supposed to take place Memorial Day but the couple had to move the wedding date up 3 months. We had approximately 100 guests, and I was hired 10 days prior to the date. The couple found Suxanadu, a venue with availability (see pictures), and the bride already had her dress. So in those 10 days we found a caterer, valet, DJ, and I purchased several hundred candles. We nixed the idea of flowers due to budget and because the reception venue was modern and stylish, and already gave such an elegant aura in the candlelight.

The nice thing about the venue we used was that it was a private home, so we had all the time we needed to set up the day before, and we were able to pick up items the day after. Hotels are much more strict about this!

So basically what I'm trying to say is ignore the fear of getting everything arranged in time, and just know that when there's a will there's a way to get a wedding planned in a small amount of time.

At Night It Gets Dark

I just got back from doing a day-of wedding outside Fresno. The wedding was in an almond orchard, next to a river. It was gorgeous! There was an expansive portion by the banks that was covered in green grass, and then there was a section of packed dirt which turned into the parking lot. However, as if working outside in the 90+ degree heat for 3 days wasn't bad enough, I encountered a whole slew of mini-dissasters. With a little spit and polish (not to mention wet wipes because some of us didn't have time to shower), the wedding was a huge success.

Before I go any further, let me just say that you need to read this if you're going to do an outdoor wedding and/or reception.

The Reception

The Candy Table with a Ballet Skirt Tablecloth

Lesson #1: At night it gets dark

Yes, simple, yet profound. During the reception about an hour after sunset, I went back to check on the guys cooking the meat. They were in complete darkness, using flashlights so they could see. Interestingly enough, it had never occured to anyone that these guys would need lights out there after the sun went down. Fortunately the caterers who provided the salad and sides and served the food had one clamp-on light that they were able to work with. So make sure you provide light for your vendors if there isn't any.

Lesson #2: Keep the number of vendors to a minimum

There were twelve vendors who worked on this wedding, eight of which I coordinated with on the day of (the other four were for the rentals). So the big problem was that each thought the other was in charge of a certain aspect, like bringing lighters to light the 400 votives for the reception. Fortunately we rummaged up three lighters and sent the caterers to work when the ceremony started.

Lesson #3: Sometimes venues are easier...and cheaper

Okay, for obvious reasons like easy access to running water and provided bathrooms. There was one point during the evening when I had to take the champagne flutes from the sand ceremony, rinse them out, and then put them at the head table for the toast. I've never had to be more creative about such a simple process because there was no running water. After considering giving them a rinse with bottled water, I came upon a water spiket 2 rows into the almond grove, and gave the flutes a nice power rinse. By the way, the bathrooms cost as much as a venue rental fee.

Lesson #4: Provide bathrooms

Although the high-end portopotties were delivered the day before the wedding, the electricity was not turned on until 4 p.m. the day of. That meant that all day we didn't have access to bathrooms while setting up.

Lesson #5: When you DIY, don't forget the details

This was a fairytale wedding, complete with white organza and satin columns, twinkle lights, and pink organza table cloths. The family built the structures, sewed the table cloths, and handmade the dresses. There were months of full-time planning put into this wedding and it was just stunning! Unfortunately, with all this work, there were just a few details that had fallen through the cracks...no guestbook, no cake knife, no pillow for the ring bearer. We managed to pull it off so that no one noticed, but it certainly provided for some fun surprises once the wedding was in full motion!

The Cake and Head Table

When to hire a wedding planner

I recently met with a couple who's getting married in a year. They have their venue contracted, and they're clear on what they want in terms of colors, cake, menu, invitation, timeline, etc. I was impressed. Their venue also comes with a coordinator, catering and rentals. Why would they need me?

When it comes down to it, everyone needs some kind of coordinator to supervise set-up and manage the day-of so that the couple can actually enjoy their wedding. If something goes wrong (and trust me, after 5 years of event planning something always goes wrong), the last thing you want is to have the bride troubleshooting!

So why would this couple want to hire me when it would seem that everything is already taken care of?

• Personalized Attention: the site coordinator is the advocate of the site rather than an advocate of the couple. He/she will ensure that the wedding goes off without a hitch, but won't necessarily be there to bounce ideas off of during the year of planning. In addition, your wedding planner will get to know you, the family, and the bridal party and will be to efficiently give direction and answer questions on the big day.
• Expert Resource: you can consult every checklist and every wedding magazine, but each wedding comes with its own unique flavors. Think of all the variables from hosting international guests, to turning the wedding into a weekeng event with golf, to choosing unique color combinations (what flowers do you choose if your colors are turquoise and brown).
• Neither Seen nor Heard: a good wedding planner will be invisible. The bridal party, family and guests won't come away remarking about the "pushy or loud wedding planner." They'll come away thinking the event was smooth and effortless. Why? Because the planner should be able to direct everyone through a natural progression of events. For example, the planner should not be the one on the microphone calling the father of the bride up for his speech. Instead, there should be an emcee or guest of honor who serves as the emcee and the planner will let him/her know when to invite the father of the bride to speak.
• Chemistry: you can pick your wedding venue, but you can't pick your site coordinator. How well you get along with your points of contact will directly determine how much you enjoy the planning process and day of.

You hire a wedding planner to be your advocate, to do your negotiation, and to be a hard-ass when you don't want to be. This same person will graciously ensure you and your family are taken care of and enjoy themselves.

Donate your Bridesmaid Dress

I was a bridesmaid once. We wore pretty pretty pink princess dresses complete with trains (see picture to the right). After the wedding, I thought about where I'd be able to wear this dress again, and my only conclusion was that I could add fairy wings, don a flower halo, and with wand in hand, I could go to a Halloween party as a fairy princess. What did I do instead? I donated my dress to Goodwill. The crappy part of this story is that I had been storing my very expensive bustier/corset in the same bag as the dress, and forgot to take it out upon donation. Some lucky girl out there has a Felina bustier...I hope she's appreciating it!

Now, I have no idea if some teenage girl is enjoying the pink dress, but I sure as heck hope so! You never know where your donated items will end up when you give them to Goodwill.

But, now there's hope for your taffeta gown...donate it to a charity who will pass it onto underprivileged girls who can't afford a prom dress. Make a dream come true and turn some little Cinderella into a princess!

Rightly so, the most prominant charity out there for this specialized donation is called The Cinderella Project. There are localized, autonomous chapters for this charity, so you can search online for the chapter in your city. I found the following:

The Cinderella Project - LA

Send dresses to Arlene Rosin

c/o The Cinderella Project

1966 E. Via Arado

Rancho Dominguez, CA 90220

cinderellaproject_la@hotmail.com

The Cinderella Project - NY

http://www.cinderellaproject.net/

The Princess Project - SF

http://www.princessproject.org/princess/

Princess for a Night - D.C.

http://www.hitchedsalon.com/princess_2.html

I Do Foundation
http://www.idofoundation.org/resources/dresses/

The Glass Slipper Project - Chicago

http://www.glassslipperproject.org/

Operation Fairy Dust - NY

http://www.altrue.net/site/nybacked/section.php?id=832

Gowns for Girls - LowerEastside Girls Club - NY

www.girlsclub.org

The Cinderella Project of New Hampshire

http://thecinderellaprojectofnh.org/

Fairy Godmothers of Greater Rochester - NY

http://www.fairygodmothersrochester.com/

Inside the Dream - Ontario, Canada
http://www.insidethedream.org/

The Enchanted Closet - Atlanta

http://www.enchantedcloset.org/

My Fairy Godmother - Cincinnati

http://www.myfairygodmother.org/

Cinderella Dreams - Virginia
www.cinderelladreams.net

By the way, in case you were wondering, I went as The Hulk that year for Halloween...

Planning Your Day The Cyber Way

Remember when we used to refer to books, magazines, yellow pages, etc. for all our information? It's true, there's nothing like putting together a binder of clippings, but the internet has taken over the event planning industry, and now you can plan everything virtually!

What media are you using these days? What guides, magazines, and websites have comprised your bridal bible?

Green Wedding - How to have an eco-friendly wedding, or party for that matter!

Something old
Something new
Something borrowed
Something GREEN

Having an eco-friendly wedding...it's THE thing to do, not only because it's trendy, but because every little measure helps the environment. So, I've gathered several websites to provide a myriad of information on how to have a green wedding. But really, so many of these tips could apply beyond the big day...why not have an eco-friendly dinner party with organic wines and locally-grown vegetables; or celebrate a 10 year wedding anniversary with a conflict-free diamond?

Something interesting I noticed in my research--the best websites about eco-friendly or "green" weddings were based out of the UK. I haven't found a good online resource in the U.S. which would be useful in identifying green venues or eco-friendly bridal wear.

I'm interested to hear your input on useful sites, so post away!

SITES FOR REFERENCE:

Personal emissions calculator - because didn't you always want to know this? http://www.epa.gov/climatechange/wycd/calculator/ind_calculator.html

Calculate your wedding energy consumption and make your wedding carbon neutral http://www.nativeenergy.com/Splash/Portovert/portovert_wedding_calc.html?portovert

Katie and Jamie Flewings of Hove, East Sussex, UK help brides and grooms around the world to plan the ethical wedding of their dreams Their blog and forum provide a thorough index of categories to answer all your questions from carbon emissions to fair trade formal wear.
www.ethicalweddings.com

The first and only magazine for eco-savvy brides and grooms
http://portovert.com/

The popular resource, The Knot, gives its input on going green
http://theknot.com/keywords/in_701.shtml?HPpos=6a&HPdate=20070327&MsdVisit=1

These two websites have a list of tips already written to get you started (so I don't have to re-write them):
http://www.grist.org/advice/possessions/2003/05/08/
http://www.wedalert.com/blog/2007/04/eco-chic-weddings-green-wedding-tips.asp

Nearly Free Things to do with a Friend

I've always wanted to compile a list of free (or nearly-free) fun things to do with a friend. So here they are, compiled from some of my closest friends. Feel free to add to the list! I look forward to hearing ideas from you!

• Sample farm-fresh produce at the farmers market
• Dust off a pack of cards, or an old board game
• Take a map of your city, close your eyes, and point to a place to explore
• Pick out a book and alternate reading chapters to each other
• Attend a free event at the local museum
• Browse the annual street or crafts fair
• Go for a bikeride, jog, or long walk
• Find out the exact time of sunset and hike to the highest point to watch it set
• Make a game out of people watching
• Make a meal - look online for creative recipes using only the ingredients you have
• Find the nearest trailhead and explore
• Pretend you're 6 again and build blanket forts in the livingroom
• Pack a picnic and head to the nearest park or beach
• Livingroom picnics are fun too!
• Rent a tandem bike for twice the fun
• Buy a map of historical sites or celebrity homes and take yourself on a tour
• Rent a foreign film and make a recipe from the country
• Head to Target or Walmart and see what you can buy each other for only $5
• Hunt for the local thrift stores and do some bargain shopping